Open dialog and the free flow of information and ideas are critical to the successful operation of businesses, entities and groups. This common sense idea is the premise of the book, “Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High Of course, achieving open dialog definitely falls into the “easier said than done” category.
Whether you’re in sales or management, most of us have experienced times when we know this free flow just isn’t occurring, but are puzzled as to why. Sometimes a person to whom we’re speaking is being uncharacteristically quiet or only minimally responsive. On the other hand, that person might be interjecting sarcastic remarks or is outwardly hostile beyond what seems appropriate. The authors label these two impediments to dialog, as “silence” and “violence”. To be clear, the latter doesn’t refer to the physical variety (hopefully), but rather abrasive verbal response.
So how did the authors learn to address the “silence and violence” that impede dialog? They did it in the best way possible. The authors sought out people that had a reputation for effectively handling the most difficult conversations and watched them – for years. They eventually distilled the observations into a clearly presented, well organized and easy to learn set of techniques. These techniques, which make up the bulk of the book’s material, are easy to apply to a wide variety of situations.
The book does have one disappointing omission.
Because of the internet, many businesspeople find themselves regularly having
crucial conversations over the phone, via email or even using an instant
messenger service. The authors fail to offer suggestions for effectively using these
often non-ideal, but sometimes unavoidable communication methods. Fortunately, this omission in no way lessens the value
of the material. I enjoyed the book, found it well worth the time to read and it
taught me several useful techniques. But, I have an even better reason for giving
it the highest recommendation. Clients, to whom I’ve recommended it, have all thanked
me multiple times for doing so.
In one case, the techniques and terminology have now
become regular parts of our discussions. They’ve even helped to create an even
more open dialog than was previously the case. This is a very welcome result
and one that I never expected just from merely recommending a book.
